When we get into a car and drive off as an adult, we don’t think about the multiple steps we take before we even start the engine. I remember vividly reciting the steps with my mother:
• Right foot on the brake
• Left foot on the clutch (yes, I’m that old)
• Check emergency brake
• Check all three mirrors
• Left hand on wheel
• Right hand turns key to start engine
Note that I omitted a lot of other steps for brevity: how to open the door, and putting on the seat belt, for starters.
As we do these actions over and over again, we focus less and less on them until they become second nature. A more precise way to think about this is muscle memory: our body (or really our brain) has learned how to do an action without consciously thinking about it. Other examples include donning and doffing clothes, typing on your phone, or even brushing your teeth (ever try brushing your teeth with your weak hand?).
Many of our thinking patterns are like this: we think without really processing our thoughts. Sometimes this is harmless, but other times it can be problematic if we don’t analyze our own thinking:
• “I know she doesn’t like me.”
• “I’ll never get an ‘A’ on an exam.”
• “This plane feels unsafe.”
• “If I go in there, I know I’ll either feint or go crazy.”
Sometimes people assume their thoughts are true without really analyzing them for veracity. Our brain has already assumed it’s true because we’ve often thought it before (“I know I’m awful at math”) without actually looking at the evidence (“I’m earning a B- at my grade level math, which means I’m above average”).
Breaking out of bad habits isn’t easy, but it’s something we can affect: just as we can learn automatic thoughts, we can unlearn them too.