Around this time of year there’s a proliferation of blogs centered either on thinking about the blessings in one’s life, or to brace for the impending stressors of shopping, parties and end of year business requirements. These are good concepts, and honestly I’m sure I’ve written at least one of them, I’d like to focus on another approach to the holidays.
What active decisions can I make that will make this time more enjoyable?
This is supposed to be a time of joy, filled with family and friends we want to share our lives with, but very often we hear about a partner’s office party or a need at school for volunteers and feel stressed about one more event or activity that requires our attention. While it may not be a popular view, rather than making the assumption that “I have to do this”, I would suggest that evaluating the consequences, both positive and negative rather than just resigning oneself to having a bad time.
- “I really don’t want to bake cookies for the school fundraiser.”
o What happens if I don’t? How will that affect my child? Will anyone notice if I don’t do it this year? If they do notice, what are the likely, realistic outcomes? Alternatively, how much less stress will I feel, and what would I do with the time I saved? Is baking for the school worth the stress?
- “I really don’t want to go to my partner’s work party.”
o Can I do a cameo, limiting the amount of time I’m there, or can we also find time for just some down time with a few of my friends?
I would also remind people to remember that this also a time of stress and sadness for some as well. Many salespeople, lawyers and commission based workers are frantically working to meet quotas and beat deadlines. Others will be missing family members who have passed away or are unable to visit friends and family due time or financial constraints.
It’s okay to feel sad, stressed and lonely during this time of year. Also remember that loved ones may not feel the same joy you do as well, and that’s okay too. Allow yourself and friends to be unhappy without guilt. However, I would also suggest that you try to find ways to enjoy parts of each day, engaging in activities you enjoy as much as you can. Reach out and lean on friends, knowing that if the positions were reversed you’d be the first one for your friends.
I do honestly hope you enjoy this time of year, but also understand if you don’t – and it’s okay.