A few months ago I made a medical decision that led to a negative outcome for one of my kids. It was not life-threatening, but my anxiety clung onto the thought and intensified it. I had a several hour period where I felt incapacitated by worry. My thoughts were racing and seeking out horrible (unrealistic) outcomes. The worry was not just in my head. It physically hurt and I wanted more than anything for the worry and discomfort to stop.
I was like a passenger on a runaway train.
Imagine being on a runaway train. You are speeding, you feel the lift of the wheels off the track, every turn is so sharp, your heart is racing, your stomach is churning, you feel physically sick. More than anything you want to get off. You want to be on stable ground. You want to breathe normally. But the train is out of control.
Our thoughts can be like runway trains. They go on wild rides, making creatively intense and sometimes disturbing turns. And it is a ride that you do not want to be on.
Get off the train.
Get off.
There is a distinct difference in watching a speeding train and being on a speeding train.
With our thoughts we can step back and watch them. Notice them. But NOT ride them.
When I had my recent episode of intense anxiety, I was on the train for several hours. I kept trying to get off, kept trying to notice the thoughts without riding them, but I was drawn back in multiple times.
Eventually I got off the train. It was still uncomfortable but I could breathe again. Being off the train did not mean the thoughts were not there. It meant I could have the worry thoughts, but I noticed them instead of letting them take over.
I view my thoughts as a train. A train that I am choosing not to get on. I notice the train and wave as it speeds on by.
